happy sad early birthday ...

haiz... kinda mix feeling right now.. happie cause someone planning for my b'day .. my dear and bebe... haiz.. sad because i need ask for myself.. just wonder.. how could it be.. if you straight me a suprise to me.. you plan everything .. you do everything.. accually that wan what i was wishing for for so long time ago.. haiz.. sometimes i do notice that things not going to be what you wan it to be.. felt really so sucks.. right now..

BEBE

you keep say always you ask you ask... ends up.. also i as de la.. recently.. you think back and refresh .. haiz.. you say you wan make suprise yea i do feel happy de.. haiz.. but.. each time you keep on asking me to ask .. and you keep on like pushing to me.. you think i like it ma??? haiz.. i know my parents ... you ask sure they'll wont talk much ... but.. i guess you dunno what happen just now.. haiz.. sometimes i really wish that you do everything and dun let me frust or thing of anything.. you decide it... but.. when i ask you do ... did you??? haiz... you said you not enough money .. i already try not to use it.. and ask from you.. you said... i talk with my ex.. i tell you now... i already less talk with him.. even i talk also just a normal chat only.... haiz.. when only you believe and understand how would i feel??? sometimes i really dunno how you feel and your atitude,, just ... keep on change... haiz.... dunno le.. i'm really happy to be with you.. some of the certain time.. i love to see when you laugh .. when you smile.. when you sad or mad .. really making me so damn piss you know that?? did you notice that...???? haiz,,. whne can you learn to know more things and understand me??? i'm tired.. yesterday i cry just right beside you do you know ma//////????? did you really understand and ask me what happen to me this and that??? haiz.. guess.. you know yourself.. but i guess you also wont be looking at this bloggy then.. when i cant find some one to speak and deppressed here.. this my diary ... i told you for an ages. guess.. you wont look at it le.. to understand more about me..

LIFE IN COLLEGE

yup.. been selected as leader.. gees.. really freaking stress.. making me like a jerk man.. sorry guys.. i'm not a good leader which i cant lead you'll i know.. and i'm sorry to waste you'll time and making you'll down.. but .. sometimes really hard to make you'll to be gather.. soon the one that always ponteng... oh jin jie.. leg injure .. cant walk much... betty .. the only one that busy.. and work.. haiz.. cant say much .. yea she do a lots of jobs.. but.. en.. dunno why sometimes can feel that she's talking bad about me.. for wasting much time,.. and management.. gees.. felt like a little girl .. dunno le.. really damn stress man... haiz.. how do i need to gain they'll to get back hyper le.. haiz.,. useless de me.. sorry lle.. follow this noob and weak de leader...

LIFE AT HOME

day by day .. home cook .. mum always break those fucking promises.. always say no money this and that ,... now i already understand what my daddy say to me .. now i really understand a lots.. haiz.. just now.. haiz.. today .. i just ask a permissiong and tell them that i wanna go for a trip next week for 2days.. one word jau say.. from lou tao.. you no need study meh., you study and no study also no different de la.. haiz. say i "tuk si pian " den said this and that ... den i said that day is my b'day .. they'll already plan for me de... not to say that sin jam hou jau.. i wanna told them.. i haven book.. .den when i wanna explain,.. lou tao and mummy jau say .. okay stop.. i dun wan listen any explanation from you.. bla bla bla.. you study and no study also waste of money only.. haiz.. dunno le.. anything.. den mummy said b'day so big meh.. bla bla bla.. den i say yea la.. how.. haiz.. i got my own decision to go for a trip also cant???? c'mon already 20... why not?? and .. den mummy said .. arent you suppose to give a priority to family 1st.. in my heart is.. why cant you give me decide ,.. and you let me go aren't that makes me more happy and a present.. i dun need any present from you both .. i dun need you'll to remember my b'day i just need to go for a trip that's it.. mum already broke promise that i cant get a camera.. and now the advance.. you think i so happie when i go to school .. in fear.. cause the headmaster keep on ask about my fees how.. and the admin keep ask me how.. haiz.. felt like i'm the one who owe money.. really makes me feel so badly.. den.. sumor lou tao one word jau say.. " huh.. i also dunno your birthday is when and i dun wanna know...just forget it forget it" gees.. that was a huge .. that making me damn freaking sad and hurts so badly .. haiz. felt so stupid that i'm still at here in this freaking damn house.. i think sooner ... things going back like last time.. where i turn to emo and moody .. dun care.. or maybe i turn to another person.. who know's that time just now.. i really wanna run from the house .. just too much pain that i keep on staying in this freaking damn house..

sadness

haiz.. really kinda weird mood right now.. really dunno what to do ... dunno do what wrong... haiz.. sad.. you said you today go pasar malam.. den jau .. nevermind ba.. tot you wan relax.. den i keep quiet.. haiz.. when back dunno why you like this,.. turn like so mad.. haiz.. ask you .. you jau said tired.. haiz.. me also stress and tired... atleast i still jokes.. and stuff.. haiz.. you?? even after dinner.. you like no ask no nothing.. wish you ask me some.. haiz.. dunno le.. eat so much chili.. that's why i vomit.. even i vomit,.. you only ask me .. okay anot .. den no mood.. haiz.. dunno.. take table give you do things..haiz.. you jau use small table.. dunno you... anything ba.. you jau mad.. those fucking face.. haiz.. how i wanna stand.. ask you thing ... wan help you not.. you jau no word... I'M SO PISS AND SOOO TIRED!!!!!!! really when i need you... you . haiz.. speechless.. even now you infront of me.. me and you .. just a friend those kind... haiz... guess.. you and me .. relationship.. no longer like last time..anything.... just tired... haiz..

i'm getting so tired

really need someone right now... haiz.. when i need you where you ??? haiz.. every night i'm hiding under the blanky crying do you know ma??? i'm sad and stress do you know?? when i get stress and you knew about it why you dun wan help me to release le? haiz.. why le????? sometimes i do feel kinda lonely ... felt sometimes i do feel like i'm single.. really .. dunno how to say le... i wan you make me happy also hard le... not make me more stress and keep on quarrel with you ar.. i dun wan this kind of life.. just.. haiz...

when you cant finish your homework... i put my things away and help you .. you did promise last time that you'll finish it.. so that you wont disturb me... haiz... dunno le... sometimes i really do envy others ppl.... really.. haiz.. dunno le.. cant we just sweet like last time.. i think you and me getting like so awkward.. and always quarrel.. maybe.. haiz.. dunno le.. cant barely smile this few days.. dunno how to say..

at home.. mum owe a lots of debt .. haiz.. aunty diana sms ask about cash... college jackie ask about cash.. haiz.. car need repair.. just i . i'm tired de.. i really cant handle this pressure... dunno how.. haiz... mum turn another person.. lou tao come home keep on nagging .. whatever i do the things also get scolded.. haiz..

in college.. only the assignment .. really dunno how to handle it my ownself.. unlike you .. i can help you.. sometimes.. i do feel so tired,........ now recently help you do your thing i cant barely do my own stuff.. i help you i hope you change .. do homework early.. you said you lost your file and sutff.. you know last time me too .. i lost my own file .. i find my self i do it ... my ownself .. no like you ask ppl jau can .. haiz... nothing ba.. you got into this also my fault..

frustration...

what can i say now... recently kinda a lots of things happen.. haiz.. mum seems like getting avoiding us.. i heard from my colleague said that .. she was planning to stay out from the house for few days.. and stuff.. beside that.. really totally speechless le.. really too much pain in the house.. ppl said in house was heaven.. but now.. i felt that in hell.. back home.. either quarrels.. argument .. and stuff .. really sick of it de le.. too much pain on what i can say.. and talk a bout it.. tired of it..just wonder when only can stop all this le.. can say that getting less of happiness le.. to compare with last time.. what can i say and talk about it?? even in love.. really .. dunno how le.. yea i do love.. but dunno why felt that lack of something.. just like something missing.. haiz.. another one,.. kinda miss sometimes where he usually speak and make jokes to me.. miss all the moment that had alrealdy pass

I'M SORRRY

... just feel so sorry the one who love me.. and cares me alots.. really sorz for everything you had did to me... really kinda hearthache when all stuff happen at once.. i really cant even face it myself and do it.. haiz.. dunno le.. just... maybe this was not the right time... accually i was planning had my b'day with the one i love or maybe whole bunch of buddies like that... but seems .. this year i really feel wanna celebrate alone ... haiz.. really so kinda upset right now.. i can ttbarely smile right now.. felt like too much things to fan and stuff .. haiz.. hate myself for out of sudden.. kinda.. haiz.. speechless right now.. just wanna say sorry to you... sorz .. i really couldn't accpet any relationship now.. cause.. it's been so hurt... for 2month ago.. haiz... hate it...hate myself... hate to be in love for so frust ....

ASSIGNMENT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GEES... kinda long dint bloggy de.. lolx.. haha.. too much asssignment!!!! ARGH!!!!!! HELP ME !!!!!!!!!!!!I WAN IDEAS!!!!!!!!!!I WAN PPL HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

uplaoding.....

gees.. in this few weeks.. kinda feel a lots different kind of feels... feel of happy.. sad.. moody.. heart broken ...and others weird feelings.. haiz... last week just broke up with him.. kinda feel like wasted.. but what to do.. cause... we choose to let go... and seriously on that day.. really kinda hurt and dissappointed what he told me about it... kinda feel like .. really speechless... haiz... feel like so damn heart broken... when i reach school.. i cried.. in car... really loud i guess.. i think should be long time i dint cry till so loud and so really dunno how to say... kinda weird man... haiz.. but atleast for what i had promise him... that i 'll happy always and try to take care my own... from that day onwards i continue my road and my way... back to class like normal...and try hang out with some crazy buddies.. trying to think positive... lolx.. really need to thx to that fella who told me about it.. *think positive... only got way out.. if i keeping it in.. only make the brain jam... and more things to fan and dunno do what* what la... that's whyy from that day onwards i always remember this word till now... Think positive way...so till now doing the same thing... everyone ask us why we break who ask and who say it out first.. let's consider as... both saying out... and both also dun wan feel the burden anymore that's it.. i choose the road i wan him to realize and wake ... haiz.. dunno le..all i wan him now is focus to his exam only.. for this moment...really need rush my assignment and get myself busy as .. too many things that i really damn frust de... really each time i back home i'm sick of it.. really .. like no time to make myself comfortable with it.. dunno le... haiz... just wonder when only i can feel back home sweet home.. haiz.. just wonder why my mum turn till so really dunno how to say ... haiz... more too like showing off and others.. really hate it a lots....!!! haiz.. but anyway... haha.. i still got one crazy buddies and still can chill and laugh about .. and the one who really und me.. make me happy... really few that can make me chill.. even my god daughther... lolx... haha...guess... i stopp mumble now.. as the thing keep on repeating like grand ah ma... haha.. sakai de.. joker... i just can wish and pray things will goes well jek... haha... and wan everyone nearby me happy always... that's it... lolx...